I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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