Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
