When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
