i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
