Im at strip club and am horny
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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