and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
