I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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