Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
