oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize