i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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