If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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