ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
