it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
