My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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