i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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