They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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