I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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