If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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