"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
