the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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