Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
