Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
