I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
