i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
