I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
