Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
