I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
