Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
