You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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