I didn't shave. On purpose
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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