Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
