we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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