remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
