we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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