we have pet lesbian snakes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize