just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
