The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
