so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
