I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
