Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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