i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Congratulations! We have a period
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