Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
