OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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