You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
