Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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