Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
