I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
