i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize