we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You are a genius and a whore.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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