I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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