i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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