I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
