if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think people are normalizing furries
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize