If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
