Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
