he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
