there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my being single is dangerous.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
