and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
