New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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