my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
