he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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