Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
