someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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