My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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