Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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