if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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