How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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